Finding Venus – Come Hell or High Waters

I’m not exactly sure why it took me so long to find the courage to share this particular story. It’s not like I haven’t shared at all, but my sharing has mostly consisted of blippets of life and carefully selected soundbites to illustrate an emotional journey that has left many questions unanswered.

Stilling the voices of fear
It has taken almost ten years to finish the process of writing this memoir. The writing itself didn’t take that long, but stilling the voices of fear and arriving at a point of feeling worthy of sharing it took lots and lots of processing.

Since I grew up as a child star and got ample validation for my performance, sharing myself in musical and theatrical ways have been much easier than sharing myself as a person. In many ways, I have hidden behind my artist image, carefully selecting the pieces that had “promotional value” for public display.

At this point in my career, all I really care about is to share my truth and being in ways that will empower and build bridges of love, tolerance and understanding. And, in order to do that, I need to be as real and honest as I possibly can.

Finding Venus – Come Hell or High Waters is the true story of how I managed to recover and come back to life after the near death accident that left me with temporary brain damage, amnesia and enhanced psychic abilities.

During this time, Stefanie Stroh, the only person I felt any kind of connection to after the accident, disappeared in the Nevada desert in the same area the notorious serial killer Tommy Lynn Sells operated. My search for her was instrumental in bringing me back to a sense of Self and purpose.

Many layers
This story has many layers: In addition to describing the transformational journey of healing from amnesia and post traumatic stress, it is also a testimonial to how I found my identity as a human being, how I dared to come out of the closet as a sexual being and how I managed to embrace life from a whole new perspective.

Since I also have written songs that go hand in glove with this particular journey, Finding Venus – Come Hell or High Waters is also being transformed into a 90-minute musical stage performance, which I am currently preparing to showcase in Oslo, New York and Los Angeles. I am terrified, to tell you the truth, of putting myself out there is this manner. And, at the same time, I am excited to finally let the cat out of the bag and share this powerful adventure of transformation and healing.

Consciousness expanding activities
If you or anyone you know have ever experienced trauma to the brain, loss of identity, amnesia, performance pressure, challenges in relationship to parental opinions, enhanced psychic abilities, paranormal activity, post traumatic stress or other consciousness expanding activities, you might find this musical particularly intriguing, comforting and empowering.

Sharing the love
It is my desire to share the love that I experienced throughout this powerful healing transformation in ways that will entertain, humor, enlighten, delight and give hope for the future.

Please stay tuned for show dates and more info at www.carolinewaters.com

Here’s a taste:)

The Key to Happiness

Why do we spend so much time worrying about, criticizing, evaluating and complaining about the desires we have yet to manifest? Why don’t we simply BE HAPPY that we are alive and on our way to our new destination? Why don’t we savor and celebrate every single step of the journey, including the difficult stepping stones that propel us further toward our desired goal?

Some say our brains are wired to focus on problem solving as a modern extension of our basic survival instinct, no matter how well we are doing/ being. We also seem to have forgotten to utilize the art of appreciation and acknowledgement on a daily basis. Until Thanksgiving comes around, or Christmas, we seem to bury our heads in the sands of our tasks.

The glorious results of childhood conditioning
I spent most of my childhood in eager and active pursuit of goals related to my intellectual, physical and artistic progress. I learned early on to appreciate the value of discipline, hard work and focused study. And for this I am grateful. But for the longest time I didn’t realize that I or anyone else, or life itself for that matter, had value other than in the achievement of goals or perfected performance.

Today, after a rich life of contrasting experiences, I savor and appreciate as much as I can, as I know it is the KEY to my happiness.

The important art of savoring
When we savor a moment, we let ourselves be filled with awareness which in turn expands our consciousness in that instant. Have you noticed that when you stop to smell a flower, you also become aware of more of your surroundings?

When we become aware of our surroundings in the spirit of appreciation, we  open ourselves to what is possible and to the gifts that are there for us.

The dangerous art of complaining
It never cease to amaze me when I listen to someone complain about something and I realize that they are totally blind to the opportunities that would be apparent to them if they’d only stop complaining. For example:

I met a man in a seminar I attended, who was buried in grief about his daughter’s illness. I listened patiently for a while and then offered a resource that I knew had helped a lot of people in the same situation. But it was as if he didn’t want to know about it. It seemed as if he was more interested in continuing his rambling than finding a solution to his daughter’s condition. I wrote the name of the resource on my card and handed it to him, but found my card on the floor underneath his chair when he left the seminar. My heart just ached.

Living like there’s no tomorrow
I was blessed with a serious car accident that helped me get out of my own way. I don’t wish this on anyone else, but for me it almost seemed like it was necessary to force me to “let go and let God”. During the course of my tremendously tumultuous journey of recovery and discovery, I have learned to appreciate and savor each moment like there’s no tomorrow.

Today, I appreciate every single day I get to wake up and seize the day. And as I practice savoring every lesson learned and every single being who grace my path, I am discovering a whole new world of opportunity, creativity and deliciousness I never knew existed.

The Trick: Replacing fear with appreciation
There is one little trick to this appreciation business. You can’t be fearful and savor at the same time, so you’ve got to let the fear go bye-bye. This takes a bit of courage to do, but if you practice savoring the stuff that has less of a charge, your appreciation muscle will soon become strong enough to shoo the fear away!

I have done it, so I know it works:)

Finding Venus – Come Hell or High Waters
If you’d like, you can catch a sneak peak of my journey of recovery and discovery, as I have just finished creating  a web site for my new musical, Finding Venus – Come Hell or High Waters, with video and sound clips  and all that Jazz!

Finding Venus - Come Hell or High Waters

All Love, Caroline

The Challenge of Treating Each Other with Courtesy and Respect

Speaking my mind on the treatment of a serial killer

As I ventured to my favorite Starbucks, and happened to sit down next to an ultra conservative, self proclaimed Christian, I made the “mistake” of mentioning in conversation, to the person sitting across from me, that I thought it was a good thing that the court system in Norway was treating Anders Behring Breivik, the serial killer, with courtesy and respect in their proceedings.

Being challenged

The guy next to me just simply took off, raising his voice and saying things like, “Who are you to forgive? Who gave you that right?” And then he proceeded to tell me about his grand mother who was raped and murdered by someone who “only” served fifteen years in prison and is a free man today. Clearly, there were some unresolved feelings on his part. Since I recognized the pain underlying his statement, I actively listened with a compassionate heart, yet maintained my position; that I believed we could only heal this kind of violence by holding ourselves to a higher standard.

Feeling powerless

The saddest thing to me was that he seemed completely unable to hear anything other than what might be fueling his rage. He just continued to ramble on about “what the bastards deserve is to get raped and killed themselves… an eye for an eye..” etc. “Wouldn’t that just turn the rest of us into monsters?” I asked, but that only served to fuel his anger even more. When I asked him his name he wouldn’t give it. When I told him that I was sorry I made him upset and that that was not my intention, he said “Shut up and leave me alone! I don’t want to talk with you!” So, as he continued to ask me questions in an accusatory manner, but not wanting to hear any answers, I felt I had no choice but to leave.

Adding perspective

The person across from me, who had witnessed the whole thing, said not to take it personally, that this guy always worked himself up over other people’s statements. He even said the guy might even end up killing someone in a rage one day, just because of his lack of ability to listen to other people’s point of view. No pun intended. This, of course, gave me pause.

It made me sad that I had to leave. It made me feel powerless over the situation. I really wanted for us to come to some kind of understanding, even if it meant to agree not to agree. And it made me realize how upsetting it is to me when people choose their anger and righteous claim to whatever their point of view is, rather than being open to civilized debate. It saddens me when people shut down, for whatever reason, instead of opening to communication and to widening their perspective.

Finding a solution

How can we contribute to that wider perspective in our communication without fueling the rage of those who cannot handle what we are trying to say? One answer could be that it simply isn’t possible, that one person’s expansion might more often than not contain someone else’s trigger.

I know all too well that I cannot please everyone, that I certainly cannot control anyone’s choice of expression and that when I choose to take a stand in a public space, I am vulnerable to the wrath of those who oppose my view.

As a performing artist, author, composer, Vocal Freedom coach and keynote speaker, I am on a mission to empower people to their heartfelt expression. The tricky part is, as healthy as I believe it is to express angry as well as joyous notions, to channel these expression in ways that honor our co-creative efforts.

Learning from the actions of a serial killer

Anders Behring Breivik thought it necessary to kill in order to get his point across. He said he felt unheard and disrespected in his previous attempts to communicate in a “more civilized” manner. This is a powerful statement, from someone who, however misguided and delusional, was able to carry out one of the worst terrorist attacks in modern history.

To listen without prejudice

I have made a vow, to listen without prejudice as much as I can, to those who happen to cross my path. We all need to be heard, seen and validated in order to survive and thrive and make our best contribution on this planet. And our contrasting perspectives are what makes us learn and grow and expand.

Imagine what we could co-create if we were to treat each other as if we sang in a choir together or played in a symphony orchestra. Each of us truly appreciating the different timbres, notes and expressions of our different instruments and how they blend together in harmony when we practice listening to each other as a whole and at the same time hone our own instrument and how we can play our part so that it supports the overall sound as intended.

Love and Blessings, Caroline

Clear Your Space – Free Your Creativity!

The Effort to Begin

How easy is it to procrastinate in the face of anything that needs organizing, in my case, boxes that need unpacking? I open the first box, peak inside and freeze as the thought of all the content in all the boxes comes tumbling into my mind. “This is going to take forever!”, “Where is it all going to fit?” and “Do I really want to do this now?” are sentences that appear in quick succession. So, I close the box, walk into the kitchen, make myself toast, a cup of tea and plop my buttocks in front of the TV.

I feel the relief for a little while, then guilt for being a lazy ass, knowing all too well those boxes will not magically unpack themselves while I watch multiple episodes of Law & Order. Getting started is the hardest part.

The Rewards of Taking Action

As I decide to take action, one box at a time, carefully discarding/ putting aside paper and stuff for Good Will as I go, I feel tremendously relieved and proud of my accomplishment. As I finish, after taking my time to find the best possibly place for each item, I am exhausted but satisfied. The house feels good. The energy feels good. And my mind has opened to a tremendous flow of creative impulses.

Creative Freedom

Clearing and organizing my space not only feels good in terms of every day living and working. It also creates space in my mind for new thoughts and ideas to grow and play and expand. When tools, papers, programs and gadgets are easily accessed and neatly placed, being creative can be amazingly easy and fun.

Julia Cameron talks about “putting the drama on the page” in her amazing book, The Artist Way. This is of course easier to do when the drama is out of the way or at least organized in some fashion or another.

The Drama on the Page

I am in the midst of writing the manuscript for a musical thriller, titled “Finding Venus – Come Hell or High Waters!” Getting to this point has taken years of therapy, life, love and processing in all kinds of ways. The story is deeply personal and powerful songs have emerged as a result. And here’s the interesting part…

When I resist the creative flow and try to hide from my story, the drama projects itself into my present life, in ways that only serve to delay, distract and irritate. And when I actually dare to put the drama on the page in its pure and honest form, no matter how scary it is to begin the process, my life is put in perspective – in a way that makes sense and feels empowering and fun.

So, “Finding Venus” it is – “Come Hell or High Waters!”

It’s Hard to Believe

It’s hard to fathom that the killer who bombed, shot and killed 76 of my fellow countrymen, women and children went to my high school, got confirmed at my church, grew up in my neighborhood, etc. It’s hard to put my brain around the fact that one of the worst mass murderers of our time is not one of “them”, but one of “us”. This fact alone has made me examine my thoughts, feelings and motives in depth. For this I am grateful. It is far too easy to point fingers and blame others when we can separate ourselves from the perpetrator, in looks, religion, ideology and so forth.

Hopefully, most of us will at this time choose to take a closer look at how we contribute to our community and society at large, in thoughts, ideas, words and physical action. I believe that we are all connected in more ways than we can comprehend. I believe that we are all responsible for the world that we create and that includes the emotional and ideological climate that ignites hate crimes.

I believe that I have a responsibility for how I feel, how I think and how I act out those thoughts and emotions in relationship to other beings. It is my hope that as we as community learn how much we matter to each other and to the whole of society, as we learn that our individual thoughts and ideas and feelings make a difference, we will raise our mass consciousness to a level where massive healing and rejuvenation can take place.

Here’s a song I wrote when a dear friend told me that her mother was shot and killed. Crying and singing it has helped me through some of the overwhelming feelings of grief, loss and despair I have been feeling in the last couple weeks:

It’s Hard to Believe by Caroline Waters

It’s hard to believe
Such a horrid affair
It’s hard to conceive
There is blood everywhere
It’s hard to believe that she couldn’t run away

It’s hard to believe
Such a charming lad
It’s hard to conceive
He would go this mad
It’s hard to believe that she couldn’t run away

In one fell swoop you blew her away
In one fell swoop you made us all pay
In one fell swoop you killed us all
And you weren’t even man enough to take the fall

It’s hard to forgive
Such a horrid affair
It’s hard to forgive
When there’s blood everywhere
It’s hard to forgive that she couldn’t run away

In one fell swoop I’ve come to hate
Every single part of me that can relate
Every single part that reminds me of you
How could you do it, laddy, how could you?

In one fell swoop you blew her away
In one fell swoop you made us all pay
In one fell swoop you killed us all

Planetary Relief and Focused Intention

We are pummeled, on a daily basis now, with powerful images of the force of nature as She rains and shakes and shifts and overflows. We are also pummeled, on a daily basis, with powerful images of the force of people, as we unite in protest against tyranny and dictatorship, as we kill each other in the name of God and just cause, and as we cause major disasters in the name of capitalism and industrial progress.

The art of appreciation, focus and communication

How can we set the tone for a more harmonious co-creation? How can we empower each other to collaborate in the spirit of love? How can we allow ourselves to receive the good that abounds and let the energy of good vibrations reverberate into the world at large?

These are some of the main tools that help me stay focused and inspired:

Appreciation – Express what you appreciate as often as you can, in words and action, and bask in the feeling of that which you appreciate as you go about your day. Write it, sing it, speak it, show it in all kinds of ways you  can think of and watch how your perspective and the world around you transforms as a result.

Focus – Keep you eye on what it is you wish to accomplish, create, receive and avoid fear based distractions. Give your attention, time and energy to that which you love and want to see blossom and thrive. Do this with any scenario that has your attention and see what happens.

Communication – Share your strengths, vision and gifts in ways that gives you joy and feels good in your heart and soul. Ask for help when you need it and receive the love that abounds with open arms, also when it comes in unexpected ways.

These simple tools have helped me in more ways than I can describe. By keeping my eye on the ball, giving and receiving in the spirit of joy and heartfelt communication and practicing the art of appreciation as much as I can, I am able to stay positive and creative in the face of adversity and turmoil. By focusing on the positive aspects, I can see the beauty and creative potential in people and situations that otherwise would have scared me and inhibited my expression.

Here’s my song Did You Know as I performed it with cellist Erlend Habbestad at an amazing venue called Smöga in Sweden last summer:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4swoKym5y5Q

Love and Blessings, Caroline

Heartfelt Success

THE MEANING OF SUCCESS
How do we define success in a world where incessant focus on the material and external is so starkly contrasted by inequality and struggle for survival? How dare we be so obsessed with our own hoarding and self glorification when the larger part of us, our extended family in the world and mother earth herself calls out for our focused heart connection?

Here’s my definition: Success happens when my heart and soul is enriched by my being, when I follow the song in my heart to it’s most joyous potential and let that joy reverberate in words, music and action into the world at large. My success is not defined by sales or ratings. It is measured only by my passionate involvement and how well I care for the life and talent that is available to me at any given time.

Thank YOU for being part of the passionate musical journey that sent my heart soaring in 2010! Your joyous participation helped my music expand into Sweden, New York, Washington DC, Tennessee, Arizona and more of California, and brought about a glorious gig opportunity in San Francisco for 2011.

THE NORWAY DAY FESTIVAL 2011
On April 30th and May 1st, I will be representing Norway as entertainer at the Norway Day Festival in San Francisco. I have been asked to open the festival, sing the Norwegian and American national anthems, give two feature performances at the main stage (one each day) as well as several pub performances during the day. This is a great honor and I am very excited to create a most delicious music menu for this.

The menu will include songs from my most recent albums, Exposed, Being Totally Alive and Venus Envy, as well as songs from my upcoming musical, Come Hell or High Waters (which is aaaalmost ready!). I also plan to include some of my dad’s material as an honorary part of the performance, since he was one of Scandinavia’s most renowned entertainers of the last century.
Love and Blessings, Caroline
(Photo shoot in Central Park  w/ Ingvild Waerhaug’s designer dresses)
Photo shoot with Caroline Waters

Passion Versus Workaholism

Blurring the lines between work and play

I learned early on to blur the lines between work and play. My dad was a master at making work fun and I assimilated his attitude in many ways. As many of you know I worked as a performing artist from a very young age. And I loved it. The only problem was that performing often took the place of hanging out and playing with other kids. And in order to sustain such a young career, other things, like homework had to be done at warp speed. By the time I was ten years old, I was able to juggle school, sports and my career as an entertainer with relative ease. I enjoyed working hard. I enjoyed the discipline of practicing my violin every morning before school. I enjoyed the race against time to finish my homework between classes. I enjoyed competing in sports, as long as I won the game. And I loved the theater more than anything.

Learning about the dangers of workaholism

As an adult, I have struggled to find balance between work and play, simply because work equals play for me in so many ways. It has been almost impossible for me to enjoy so called non-productive activities or to appreciate playing a game just for fun. But as I am learning more about the dangers of workaholism (yes, there is really such a thing!) and suffering the consequences of burning the candle in both ends one time too many, I am also learning to balance my life in a new and hopefully improved way. When I work myself too hard, I am often critical of those around me and less able to receive the gifts they have to offer. When I make sure to rejuvenate and let my creative well be filled anew, I love everybody and see with such clarity the beauty and magic that abounds.

Making time for people, nature and mindless activities

This Holiday season, I have taken some real time off to ski and watch movies and dine with friends and family and read mindless literature such as Donald Duck. As a result, I am sleeping better at night, my appetite is up, new inspiration is pouring into my creative horn of plenty, my body feels stronger and my brain somehow feels more able to deal with the challenges an artist career has to offer. My commitment to myself for the new year is to incorporate more playtime with friends and family, plenty of excursions in art and nature, and to arrange my work schedule in such a way that my body is completely taken care of in the process.

Making sure it’s passion, not compulsion

I love my life as an artist! I am passionately in love with my creativity and the privilege of sharing my hearts desire in words and music and singing my life into higher vibration. I just have to remember to check in every now and then, to make sure I am in the passion and not in the compulsion of it all.

Here’s a song for you, just for fun, and the lyrics too so you can sing along!

DANCING IN THE NUDE Click here to see the video!
Words and Music by Caroline Waters
Copyright 2005-2010 by Caroline Waters

Dancing in the nude, getting in the mood
Laughing as I groove into my being
Fully alive, feeling the drive to be completely wild
And seeing all my worries fade away
As I begin to seize the day
I reach for my spirit in the sky
Flying high, not questioning why

Dancing in the nude, getting in the mood
Laughing as I groove into my being
Fully alive, feeling the drive to be completely wild
And seeing all my worries fade away
As I begin to seize the day
I reach for my spirit in the sky
Flying high, not questioning why

//:Dancing in the nude, getting in the mood
Dancing in the nude, getting in the mood://

 

When Things Fall Apart

One of the basic principles I have learned from Craniosacral Therapy is that “things fall apart in order to come back together in a higher level of order”. This concept is true for most organic systems and can effectively be applied to other systems as well, such as how we organize our thoughts and manage our lives and relationships.

I remember how profoundly it struck me when Sally Field’s character, Sybil, was at the point in her therapy when she felt that the world was coming to an end. And the therapist pointed out that it wasn’t the world that was coming to an end, it was just Sybil’s world as she knew it that was changing in a big way. She was actually beginning to remember parts of her life and thus coming together as a personality system in a better way.

Sometimes allowing things to fall apart is the best thing we can do. Often resistance only serves to prolong the agony and fear of change. When we allow ourselves to go with the flow and surrender to the process of what is happening instead of denying it or fighting it, we create space for a greater part of ourselves to emerge.

And don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean that we shouldn’t stand up for ourselves or fight for what we believe in. I only mean that when there is a breakdown of sorts in our lives, it can be useful to surrender to the natural process of that breakdown in order to achieve the full benefit of what is created as things fall back together again.

For example: When we feel like we are coming down with something, it is not an uncommon practice to fight it or suppress it with pills and caffeine instead of listening to the signals our bodies are giving us and taking the time to nurture ourselves and rejuvenate. We are so conditioned in our society to suppress our feelings and keep it together and tough it out that we are forgetting how amazing we really are. Yet, when we actually listen and nurture ourselves accordingly, we emerge as stronger, happier and more productive beings.

This is nothing new. I am only choosing to look at it more closely these days, since I have made a commitment to allow myself to feel more and do less. The commitment came about as I realized I was heading full speed into a dead end street (figuratively, not literally) as a performer by working too much, playing too little and burning that famous candle in both ends. My programmed response, from years and years of deadline driven habits and adrenaline junky behaviors, would have been to will the dead end street into a through street and plow ahead as if nothing had happened.

Instead I stopped, got out of the car and began to smell the flowers. And, as I allowed myself to breathe and to surrender to doing absolutely nothing but smelling those flowers, a new idea formed in my mind: “What would happen if I let myself just be for a while? If I actually took that time off that I said I would take off after I finished my last project? Would my world fall apart? And if it did, would it then be possible for it to come back together in a much better way?

Sometimes all we need is to get out of our own way.

Love and Blessings, Caroline

Starting Over

The gift of a car accident

When I was eighteen years old, I was hit by a car that severed my left leg and sent me flying 28 feet through the air, landing face first in the pavement. Long story short, it took awhile to get my body and brain up and running again. Four years, to be exact.

The first amazing gift of this event was learning that I could be perfectly happy in the moment without all the elements I thought I needed to be happy. I actually received the gift of loving me, just for being. The elements I thought I needed to be happy were things like; being an A-student, winning competitions, looking sharp, slim and fit, performing well and being a people pleaser.

By removing these elements for a period of time, and thus being effectively stripped of superficial distractions, I learned to appreciate the gift of every moment of life that was available to me.

Today, 26 years later, as I am about to leave for my first National Tour of the USA as a solo artist, I feel incredibly blessed by the perspective the gift of starting over has given me. I feel that I am starting over in so many ways, and instead of feeling nervous or pressured, I feel grateful simply for the gift of being alive and for the gift it is to be living my dream as an artist.

The gift of releasing fear and worry

Yesterday, in the midst of composing press releases for the upcoming tour, I found myself in the not so uncommon sea of worry about the future. Will they ignore me? Will enough people show up for my performances? Will I be able to make ends meet at the end of the road? All these thoughts scurried around in my head as I struggled to find the most perfect wording to entice the New York media.

The worrying didn’t help at all. I can tell you that right away. It put me in a space of feeling heavy and incompetent and unfocused. Realizing this, I was able to release the fear and the tension and the worry in a surprisingly short amount of time. And the transformation that occurred was astounding.

The moment I decided to release my fear of not being/ doing enough and embrace the gift of my being, messages began to trickle in from people all over the world, affirming their appreciation and support of my music and performance. This felt wonderful of course. But the most important transformation took place within me.

I woke up this morning feeling truly liberated in my body. And I had this knowing within that who I am and what I do in this world is enough. It doesn’t matter how many people show up for my performances or how many CDs I sell or how many newspaper articles gets written about me. The only thing that matters is that I keep letting my heart move me into action and let that song that makes my heart sing be heard, loud and clear, far or near, wherever it takes me.

I am excited for this Tour, for the people I’ll meet and the places I’ll see. I’m excited to move and be moved, to love and be loved, to listen and explore, and eternally grateful for the chance of starting over every single day.

Here’s the tour schedule and a video: http://www.carolinewaters.com/shows.php

Love and Blessings, Caroline