Tag Archives: Dancing In the Nude

3 Keys to Resolving Conflicts

It was recently suggested to me that I displayed classic symptoms of Battered Women’s Syndrome. My symptoms were as follows: I felt verbally paralyzed, unable to speak out or take a stance in fear of what consequence may follow.

I don’t remember being battered, but I have experienced near death accidents that have caused post traumatic stress reactions and I have experienced other forms of suppression, such as verbal abuse, scare tactics and withholding.

Some of these experiences are still affecting my life from time to time in the form of fear. Fear of conflict being the most energy- and time consuming. In the spirit of Vocal Freedom, I am going to share 3 key elements that I have found to be the most useful in terms of regaining my confidence and ability to resolve conflicts:

1 – Being Fully Present

My automatic reaction to stress is to dissociate, to leave my body. Dissociation may be an affective tool to handle stress in the moment, but is not conducive to being effective or productive or resolving conflicts. So, in order to move into a better feeling place and a place of power, I first need to become present in my own body, to ground myself in the here and now, to feel my feelings.

2 – Identifying the Most Ideal Outcome

It is easy to get wrapped up in other people’s words and actions, to take things personally. And to respond from a place of feeling wounded and needy. So, in order to counter this victim-based reactive behavior, I step back and try to see the situation from a higher perspective, by identifying the most ideal outcome. In order to do this effectively, it is vital that I don’t act from an emotional charge, but wait until I have identified what I really want to get out of the situation.

I recently stepped into a difficult conversation with a group of people I didn’t know. And, because my initial engagement happened as a knee-jerk reaction, I fell flat on my face. It took almost a day and a half to untangle myself from the emotional defense I had gotten myself into and to see my carefully drafted ignorant BS for what it was. This can be a tricky thing to identify, since the ego automatically will come up with a number of self-glorifying justifications for our behavior, as long as we remain emotionally charged. Stepping back and identifying the most ideal outcome, helped me see clearly how to untangle myself and proceed in a more constructive way.

3 – Humbly Embracing the Opportunity to Learn

It takes a great deal of courage to be humble. It requires enough personal strength, confidence and wisdom to see the value of such a receptive state of being. For me in particular, being humble is something I have fought, tooth and nail, every step of the way. Why? Because I mistook it for weakness. Fortunately, I have come to realize that humility can serve as a most wonderful tool to discover what is possible to achieve and receive. When I humbly embrace the opportunity to learn from a situation, however triggering, confusing or challenging it may be, I put myself in a position of optimal reception. Being humble and unassuming enable us to see and receive what we have to offer each other with greater ease and precision.

Here’s a song I wrote that expresses the magic and beauty of being fully present, identifying a most ideal outcome and humbly embracing the opportunity to learn: Dancing In The Nude. It features Jennifer Leitham on bass, Katisse Buckingham on sax and programming, Tom Zink on keys, Chris Wabich on drums and Caroline Waters on piano and vocals. Enjoy!

What I Learned from the Gnarly Bug

Loosing weight, the hard way

It was just before summer. I had finished my new CD, Exposed, and was hanging out in Oslo, Norway, to visit friends and family and see how I might proceed with marketing and such. I felt sluggish, energetically, in spite of the fact that I was very happy with the new CD and excited to promote it. Feeling overweight and out of shape, I decided in my mind that I needed to loose about twenty-two pounds.

Shortly after I returned to LA, I got hit with a bug that sent me into the hospital with acute colitis. I lost twenty-two pounds in three weeks, the exact number I had intended to loose. It was the weirdest thing. I couldn’t really understand why I got so sick, since I was eating fairly healthy and also had stepped into a healthier routine in many ways. The hospital couldn’t figure it out either. Was it simply the power of my intention, without properly specifying the method of accomplishment?

Changing my life for the better

It wasn’t fun, I can tell you that, and it has taken several months for me to be able to eat normal food again and take a walk without feeling out of breath. But somehow, the whole incident has changed my life for the better. Being so completely dependent on other people for help and so completely unable to make things happen the way I was used to making things happen, by pure force, I somehow opened a new door to my existence.

I have achieved humility, appreciation and the ability to more fully receive the love that others have for me. And I have achieved a new perspective on time, one that lets me breathe and take the time it takes to do whatever is needed. I have never before allowed myself this luxury, of letting life happen in its own sweet time. I’ve always felt a need to force things or make them happen. But as a result of this newfound humility, and consequent ability to receive life in a more organic fashion, I have gained tremendous momentum both in my career and in my personal life.

In just a few months, I have gained clarity in how to proceed with my music and performance. A tour of Scandinavia is in the works, a beautiful lover has arrived to accompany me on my journey and synchronicity abounds. I am in the flow of something real good. It is as if I have stepped into the next chapter of my life, where things move faster while I get to relax and enjoy the process. To my surprise, the weight has stayed off, in spite of the fact that I have gained back muscle and am eating much more food on a regular basis than I have in the last twenty years.

Receiving all the love that abounds

I don’t feel sluggish anymore. I feel eager to seize the day and see how I might contribute to the community at large with my music and being, receiving all the love that abounds in the process. Last Thursday at TID Kafé in Oslo, was a perfect example of this new gift of being, this perfect flow. The house was packed with the most loving audience ever. I sold more CDs in one setting than I ever have. And my heart was completely at ease, flowing over with appreciation for all that is, even the gnarly bugs that appear to rack havoc in our lives from time to time…

Here’s a link to Dancing In the Nude, a video snippet from the last concert and the lyrics below so you can sing along if you like:)

Dancing In The Nude by Caroline Waters
©2009 by Redhead Records. All Rights Reserved.

Dancing in the nude

Getting in the mood

Laughing as I groove into my

Being fully alive, feeling the drive

To be completely wild and seeing

All my worries fade away

As I begin to seize the day

I reach for my spirit in the sky

Flying high, not questioning why